If you understand the growth mindset then it somehow makes each negotiation conversation part of a learning curve, just part and parcel of getting ahead, rather than a personal slight or affront when you it doesn’t all go your way. My suggestion? Win some, lose some, keep a cool head, then have another go.
2. Reframe the conversation from a fight or justification conversation to a collaboration and problem solving activity. You are helping your manager solve the problem of remunerating you as you would like, plus meet organisational objectives! When we do this it becomes more of a win win. It’s really hard to think that someone is “hard nosed” and “greedy” when you are helping them solve their problems.
3. It’s not all about the dollar value: In speaking with recruiters they tell me that sometimes people get hung up on the Big Number when in fact they might be better off emotionally and/or financially with asking for flexibility in working from home or starting/finishing late, or an extra week’s leave per year or additional training/mentoring or coaching included in their package. Flexibility around your thinking about these things might be more rewarding for both men and women all around. I’m not advocating for women to accept less money than men doing the same role. Instead I’m advocating an honest analysis of your current situation. It may in fact be worth more to you to ask instead for other solutions.
4. Do your research and align yourself with others: Find out what industry benchmarks and standards there are, how you compare, what else is going on in industry and other case studies where things have been successful. According to Sheryl Sandberg of Lean In fame – if you refer to other perspectives it somehow lends legitimacy to your argument and demonstrates that you’ve thought this through. When you refer to “we” it somehow adds credibility – you are part of a bigger picture.
5. Cite Sheryl Sandberg: yes there is such a thing as a “Sheryl Sandberg effect”. Apparently after the release of her “Lean In” book women were hitting up their boss for raises with lines such as “Sheryl Sandberg would be disappointed in me if I didn’t ask for a raise”. Fact or fiction? I don’t know, but it does point to the fact that you’ve done your homework, you’re taking your career seriously as well as aligning yourself to a cause (the success of women everywhere). It certainty can't hurt.
6. Do it all at once: When you do negotiate (or renegotiate) do so all at once, not in dribs and drabs throughout the year. Sounds counterintuitive doesn’t it? When you are asking for things throughout the year you are trying to “win each battle” one issue at a time. Apparently when you negotiate a package all at once you are more likely to be able to come to a solution that meets the needs of both parties.
7. Make a plan and test it: Work out what your non negotiable items are and test your thinking as well, then document a range of scenarios in case they say yes to this item but no to that item. How might you respond? How might you counter? How might they respond? How might they counter? Negotiation expert, Carrie Gallant has a great template you can use.
Dan Pink in his book To Sell Is Human uses the term buoyancy and how important it is in remaining optimistic and agile in a sales environment. Well negotiating for yourself is in part a sales environment – you are influencing others to your way of thinking. We an learn from this as we approach forming our plan.
“Ask yourself questions beforehand (“Can I succeed?”) rather than pumping yourself up (“I am the best”); they encourage your brain to come up with answers, reasons, and intrinsic motivation.”
8. Eat, sleep, rehearse, repeat: Yes, you heard me, rehearse/roleplay/practice.
Thinking about an apple, and planning what will happen when we eat the apple, is EXTREMELY different to actually eating the apple.
You need to rehearse saying these things out loud.
Long story short – many years ago when I was making my first foray into asking for a six figure salary my coach asked me to role play that “asking”. She gave me the language and invited me to say it out loud. I baulked!! Then squeaked it out with a high pitched voice and an upward inflection which undermined my credibility immediately.
Don’t assume you’ll be fine on the day. Find a trusted friend, coach or mentor and say these words out loud. Get feedback and say them again until you are comfortable and agile around the language. Eat, sleep, rehearse, repeat.
I love Carol Dweck’s growth mindset work. She has inspired me so much when it comes to tackling goals and ambitions that are well outside of my comfort zone. And I reckon her ideas on the growth mindset become almost like a self fulfilling prophecy – the more you believe you can make yourself extraordinary – the more you in fact become extraordinary.
So when it comes to tackling salary package negotiations for ourselves, which many people find uncomfortable, it's probably better to do it with a growth mindset and an understanding that you’ll simply keep on getting better at it the more you do it.
Vive la révolution! #ambitionrevolution
If you missed it - The F Word that Keeps Us Playing Small