“Just sit back and don’t worry about your career as you are a Mum”
“You care too much”
“You don’t look like a Partner and you don’t talk like a Partner”
“Smile more”
”It’s a boy’s club, you won’t be able to survive”
“Your husband would appreciate you more if you were home to wipe the kids faces before he came back from work”
“You’re too passionate in meetings”
“Stay quiet and look good”

G.A.S.P.! 😱

FEEDBACK IS FREQUENTLY GENDERED

Unfortunately, these statements are just a few of the real examples of feedback received by real women who are struggling to be taken seriously and make their mark in the workplace.  So when I say that feedback is gendered, you can see what I mean.

In my recent call for feedback examples, submissions ranged from –

• Hurtful and damaging (possibly intentionally), through to
• Well meaning, poor advice, through to
• Advice that works for men, but does the opposite for women, through to
• The most lame-ass, naff and condescending feedback that fits into the category of “lets give the little woman something to do to keep her busy” category.

And again. 😱

As you might guess I have steam coming out of my ears as I write this. Shout out to everyone who sent in their feedback examples in advance of our recent webinar. It certainly proved the point. You can watch the replay here.

THREE THINGS TO GET THE FEEDBACK YOU DESERVE

But be that as it may, you still need to get feedback in order to more easily progress your career, confidence and earning potential. So here are three things you can do to get the feedback you need to help you lead and succeed in that next level role.

1.  Ask the right question and focus on your future: Instead of asking people to rate your current performance about how you should be doing your current role better, ask them to rate your readiness for a future stretch opportunity.
   
   * Ask: What do I need to be doing more/less of to ensure I’m ready for that promotion I’ve got my eye on at the end of the year?
   
   
2. Identify specific behaviours: Ask the person providing the feedback to identify specific behaviours or actions that they have observed you make, or wish you’d made, rather than using general or subjective terms. This will help you contextualise the feedback and more easily work out whether to accept or discard the feedback, either in it’s entirety or in part in certain circumstances.  It will also ensure that the feedback is more easily actionable.
   
   * Ask: Please provide specific examples of where you’ve seen me exhibit this behaviour.
   
   
3. Ask the right people (and this is probably the most important): Seek feedback only from people you trust to give you quality feedback, rather than those who may try to cut you down to size, or who give you sycophantic feedback or from those who would not know good it if bit them on the backside. Seek out feedback from those who are invested in your future career and leadership success and who are keen to help you realise your potential.

“In a growth mindset, challenges are exciting rather than threatening. So rather than thinking, oh, I’m going to reveal my weaknesses, you say, wow, here’s a chance to grow.”

~ Carol Dweck

BECOME THE STRATEGIC LEADER YOU WANT TO SEE

Successful leaders have learned the art of getting great feedback – the kind of feedback that not only boosts their performance, but that grows them, their ambition and their earning potential as well. It’s not always nice to hear, but when you receive quality feedback, delivered well, it’s a total turbo charger for your career.

Successful leaders have also learned to more easily discern the difference between helpful and unhelpful feedback and to not let the latter keep them playing small. They don’t let the opinions of a poor manager or jealous peer with subjective and biased assumptions and a lack of imagination get in the way of their career success. Instead they go out of their way to seek the kind of feedback that transforms their career from people who know and who can positively impact their career.

And remember, women do it differently, and that’s the point.

Read more on the secret to self leadership